Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
