I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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