Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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