Umm I'm too high to move.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
