the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
