I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
