i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
