It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
