yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
