So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
