that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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