You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
