apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
