if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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