Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
