4 words: hood of his car
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
