you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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