We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
