I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
