Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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