Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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