Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
