Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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