where am i from again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
