Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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