are you so shy because you have an std?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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