I can tuck mytits in my pants
someone owes me an orgasm
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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