How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
