my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
