Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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