I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
