Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
