he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
