Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
