I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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