what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
