we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
