I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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