I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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