i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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