Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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