I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
