you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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