You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
