if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
