Nicole vs. Life
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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