my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
