Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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