I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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