You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
