so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
