I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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