Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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