Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
