dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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