I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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