Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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